Every run unlocks more lore. Every hat is canon. Every snack has a backstory. Welcome to the official, totally serious story of Yeet Pete Begins.
Last updated: 2026-01-09
Yeetius Peterson II was born into a wealthy English noble family, raised from birth to inherit land, title, and respect. That future shattered when a scandal erupted: Yeetius was accused of murdering his cousin, Mr Damnithan Danieletto.
Despite his pleas of innocence, the family cast him out without mercy. His name was struck from records, his wealth stripped away. Overnight, Yeetius went from noble heir to disgraced outcast.
Forced onto the streets and determined to clear his name, Yeetius resolved to uncover the truth behind his cousin's murder. He foraged for food, water, and spare clothing, preparing for a long journey.
A mysterious masked man emerged from the shadows and struck Yeetius from behind. He awoke in a crumbling, rain-soaked building, barely standing, echoing with dripping water.
"Whomst are thou, why art I here?" Yeetius asked.
A deep voice answered: "I am Dabhonem Hatters. If you wish to uncover the truth of your cousin's murder, you must travel to the center of Switzerland. Only there will answers be found."
With no other leads, Yeetius began his journey toward Switzerland. Along the way, he crossed into Germany, greeted by a sign reading, "Willkommen in Deutschland."
Having always wanted to visit, Yeetius decided to explore. Soon, he heard a woman screaming in distress from a nearby lake: "Hilfe! Ich kann nicht schwimmen!"
Attempting his newly learned German, Yeetius called out, "Sprechen Sie Englisch?"
"Ja! I can't swim!" the woman replied.
Fortunately, Yeetius always carried a flotation device, he himself could not swim. He inflated it and threw it to her, pulling her safely from the water.
As Yeetius stood proudly, a mysterious man appeared beside him, extending a hand. "Great work there, saving that lady," he said slyly. Confused by the man's sudden appearance, Yeetius simply replied, "Thank you."
With Switzerland now less than a day's walk away, Yeetius made a bold and baffling decision.
Rather than continue directly, he chose to detour to China to explore its culture, despite the journey taking over a year on foot and despite already being almost at his destination.
Thus, the journey continued. Not always logical. Not always efficient. But undeniably Yeetius.
The launch ramp, the first enemies, and the first speed jump.
Thinner air, stranger hazards, and faster scrolling.
Cosmic obstacles and new mechanics kick in here.
Red dust storms, alien foes, and a fresh pace bump.
Maximum speed, wild enemies, and the final chaos stretch.